I am going to be looking at another oldie but goodie: Pinocchio. This is actually Disney’s
second movie. Actually it was originally intended to be his third with Bambi being second, however the
semi-realistic animals proved to be harder to animate and became delayed for
several years. Also in contrast to Snow
White, this is a movie based on a full length novel and not a fairy tale.
And not just any novel, but a sick, twisted, deranged, demented, sadistic,
makes-you-wonder-what-the-author-was-on sort of novel. Without further ado,
let’s get on with the review.
The movie opens up with a singing frog cricket named
Jiminy Cricket. He addresses the audience and begins to read the book of
Pinocchio (which is implied to be his diary or something). Jiminy started off
as a down on his luck bug that took refuge in the home of a woodcarver named
Geppetto. After hopping around for about five minutes we finally see our title
character, only he is not alive yet and still a regular puppet. We also see Geppetto for the first time. As he puts the
finishing touches on Pinocchio he dances around with his pets Figaro the cat
and Cleo the goldfish. After all of that, they head off to bed. Geppetto smokes
his pipe (hmm…) and commented on how he wishes Pinocchio was a real boy. This
prompts him to wish upon a star like the opening song foreshadows.
 |
| I am betting that's not tobacco in that pipe |
After everyone has fallen asleep an eerie glow comes through
the window. “What’s all this now?!” cries Jiminy. I don’t want to say “aliens”
but “aliens”. But seriously though, it’s just Snow White with bleached hair
also known as The Blue Fairy. Instead of making Pinocchio a real boy, like
Geppetto wanted, she just brings him to life. He has to learn life lessons in
order to become a human, for some reason. It is never explained why she can’t
just turn him into a human right then and there. My only guess is that this
would be a really short movie otherwise. Pinocchio is asking a lot of questions
(because he was born five seconds ago) to the annoyance of Jiminy, but that
annoyance goes away once The Blue Fairy promotes him as Pinocchio’s conscience.
After The Blue Fairy leaves, Geppetto wakes with a start. He
grabs the loaded gun he keeps under his pillow and begins to fire away. When he
realizes that it was only Pinocchio, he shrugs it off as a dream. When he
realizes that he is awake, he is overjoyed and throws a party. But the party is
short lived once Pinocchio nearly burns his finger off.
Next morning, Geppetto sends Pinocchio off to school, even
though Pinocchio would have no idea where it is or what to do there, or even be
registered. On his way to school he runs into a pair of manimals named Honest
John and Gideon. They talk him out of going to school and talking the easy
street: being an actor. This was actually a plan to sell him to a puppet master
named Stromboli. Jiminy Cricket, who overslept, finally catches up with
Pinocchio. He interrupts their little song and dance to tell Pinocchio that this
isn’t such a good idea. Pinocchio ignores his arthropod amigo and heads off
with his new found “friends”.
Later that night, Pinocchio performs in Stromboli’s show. He
was a smashing success and people were throwing money and begging for more.
After the show Pinocchio was happy with his new friend, until he mentioned
going back to his father. Stromboli locks him in a birdcage and shouts, “to me
you belong!” Luckily for our hero,
Jiminy Cricket sees Stromboli’s wagon heading down the street and decides to
pay Pinocchio a visit. Jiminy tries to
free him from the birdcage, but is unable to pick the lock.
They were both depressed until The Blue Fairy shows up
again. He gives her a tall tale about how he and Jiminy were kidnapped by
monsters. This leads to the famous scene where his nose keeps growing. Actually
this is the only time in the movie this happens. I was actually very surprised
(this is like the first time I have seen the movie in 15 or so years) to see
this well known Pinocchio trait appear only once. The Blue Fairy explains that
lies get bigger and bigger until they are as plain as the nose on your face.
Thankfully she gives him another chance and sets him free.
Meanwhile at the bad guy bar, Red Lobster (no seriously),
Honest John and Gideon are meeting with their friend the Coachman. They told
him about how much money they got selling Pinocchio to Stromboli. Coachman
laughs at the meager amount and tells them about his new plan of making money: Pleasure
Island. What is Pleasure Island you might ask? Well all we know is that it must
be bad since man-beast hybrids cower in fear. Also we know that boys don’t come
back as boys. My guess is that this where gender flipped fanart is made.
Back to Pinocchio who is racing Jiminy Cricket home. Oh
snap, the fox and the cat are back! This time they convince Pinocchio that he
is sick and needs to take a vacation to Pleasure Island immediately. We then
cut to a coach been driven by the Coachman (duh) filled his wild and crazy
kids. Pinocchio instantly befriends an older kid named Lampwick. Pleasure
Island turns out to be a place where kids can do bad stuff like beat the crap
out of each other, smoke, drink, and worse of all, play billiards. Jiminy finds
Pinocchio and gives him a stern talking to.
Lampwick calls Jiminy a “grasshopper”. After being called the g-word,
Jiminy threatens to knock his block off. Pinocchio breaks off the would be
scuffle by saying that Lampwick was his best friend. This upsets Jiminy so he
sets off.
Jiminy is storming down the street in an angry huff, he
finds what he thinks is the door out of Pleasure Island but he was mistaken. He
hears some donkeys braying on the other side so he crawls under to see. Dozens
of donkeys are stuffed in crates. Another batch of them comes in, all wearing
clothes. The Coachman asks each one what his name is. If they answered with a
“ee-haw” they got sent to the salt mines.
One donkey meekly says “Alexander”. He gets thrown into the cage with
the other talking donkeys (I wonder if the donkey from Shrek is in there). Jiminy knows that something is very wrong here
and goes to get Pinocchio.
Back to Pinocchio and Lampwick, Pinocchio realizes that
Lampwick is a jackass. It seriously took him this long to figure that one out. I
was kind of thinking that from his first minute on screen. Whoops, I mean
Lampwick transformed into a literal jackass. And Pinocchio grew ears and a
tail. Jiminy meets Pinocchio in just the nick of time and they plan their
escape. Unfortunately, the only way off the island is to swim to shore. They
run home, but to their horror Geppetto and all of his pets are gone. As they
sat on the front step sobbing, The Blue Fairy (in the form of a bird) gives
them a message. It turns out that Geppetto was eaten by a whale named Monstro,
but he is still alive. Pinocchio then sets out on a quest to save his father.
They both take a dive into the ocean (and for some reason
Jiminy doesn’t need to breathe air anymore). We then see Monstro lying on the
ocean floor. We zoom inside to see Geppetto, Figaro, and Cleo on a wrecked boat
inside Monstro’s stomach (mouth?). They knew that if they didn’t get food in
time they would starve to death. Just by coincidence Monstro eats a whole
school of tuna that Pinocchio was trapped in. After reuniting with his father,
the puppet gets an idea to build a fire to make Monstro sneeze them out. When
the whale sneezes them out, he chases them across the ocean in an exciting
climax. When our heroes make it to safety on shore it looks like Pinocchio is a
goner. At Geppetto’s house, all the
characters are mourning Pinocchio’s death. We can hear The Blue Fairy’s voice
say that since Pinocchio proved himself to be unselfish and brave he deserves
to be a real boy. After coming back to life as a real boy, everyone celebrates.
The Pros:
*Beautifully animated.
*"When You Wish Upon a Star" is an amazing song
*Interesting and exciting story.
The Cons:
*This is just a personal problem, but I really hate underage drinking and smoking. I don't care if it is portrayed negatively, I still hate it.
Overall I give it **** out of *****.
