Pinocchio

I am going to be looking at another oldie but goodie: Pinocchio. This is actually Disney’s second movie. Actually it was originally intended to be his third with Bambi being second, however the semi-realistic animals proved to be harder to animate and became delayed for several years. Also in contrast to Snow White, this is a movie based on a full length novel and not a fairy tale. And not just any novel, but a sick, twisted, deranged, demented, sadistic, makes-you-wonder-what-the-author-was-on sort of novel. Without further ado, let’s get on with the review.

The movie opens up with a singing frog cricket named Jiminy Cricket. He addresses the audience and begins to read the book of Pinocchio (which is implied to be his diary or something). Jiminy started off as a down on his luck bug that took refuge in the home of a woodcarver named Geppetto. After hopping around for about five minutes we finally see our title character, only he is not alive yet and still a regular puppet. We also see Geppetto for the first time. As he puts the finishing touches on Pinocchio he dances around with his pets Figaro the cat and Cleo the goldfish. After all of that, they head off to bed. Geppetto smokes his pipe (hmm…) and commented on how he wishes Pinocchio was a real boy. This prompts him to wish upon a star like the opening song foreshadows. 

I am betting that's not tobacco in that pipe

After everyone has fallen asleep an eerie glow comes through the window. “What’s all this now?!” cries Jiminy. I don’t want to say “aliens” but “aliens”. But seriously though, it’s just Snow White with bleached hair also known as The Blue Fairy. Instead of making Pinocchio a real boy, like Geppetto wanted, she just brings him to life. He has to learn life lessons in order to become a human, for some reason. It is never explained why she can’t just turn him into a human right then and there. My only guess is that this would be a really short movie otherwise. Pinocchio is asking a lot of questions (because he was born five seconds ago) to the annoyance of Jiminy, but that annoyance goes away once The Blue Fairy promotes him as Pinocchio’s conscience.

After The Blue Fairy leaves, Geppetto wakes with a start. He grabs the loaded gun he keeps under his pillow and begins to fire away. When he realizes that it was only Pinocchio, he shrugs it off as a dream. When he realizes that he is awake, he is overjoyed and throws a party. But the party is short lived once Pinocchio nearly burns his finger off.

Next morning, Geppetto sends Pinocchio off to school, even though Pinocchio would have no idea where it is or what to do there, or even be registered. On his way to school he runs into a pair of manimals named Honest John and Gideon. They talk him out of going to school and talking the easy street: being an actor. This was actually a plan to sell him to a puppet master named Stromboli. Jiminy Cricket, who overslept, finally catches up with Pinocchio. He interrupts their little song and dance to tell Pinocchio that this isn’t such a good idea. Pinocchio ignores his arthropod amigo and heads off with his new found “friends”.

Later that night, Pinocchio performs in Stromboli’s show. He was a smashing success and people were throwing money and begging for more. After the show Pinocchio was happy with his new friend, until he mentioned going back to his father. Stromboli locks him in a birdcage and shouts, “to me you belong!”  Luckily for our hero, Jiminy Cricket sees Stromboli’s wagon heading down the street and decides to pay Pinocchio a visit.  Jiminy tries to free him from the birdcage, but is unable to pick the lock.

They were both depressed until The Blue Fairy shows up again. He gives her a tall tale about how he and Jiminy were kidnapped by monsters. This leads to the famous scene where his nose keeps growing. Actually this is the only time in the movie this happens. I was actually very surprised (this is like the first time I have seen the movie in 15 or so years) to see this well known Pinocchio trait appear only once. The Blue Fairy explains that lies get bigger and bigger until they are as plain as the nose on your face. Thankfully she gives him another chance and sets him free.

Meanwhile at the bad guy bar, Red Lobster (no seriously), Honest John and Gideon are meeting with their friend the Coachman. They told him about how much money they got selling Pinocchio to Stromboli. Coachman laughs at the meager amount and tells them about his new plan of making money: Pleasure Island. What is Pleasure Island you might ask? Well all we know is that it must be bad since man-beast hybrids cower in fear. Also we know that boys don’t come back as boys. My guess is that this where gender flipped fanart is made.

Back to Pinocchio who is racing Jiminy Cricket home. Oh snap, the fox and the cat are back! This time they convince Pinocchio that he is sick and needs to take a vacation to Pleasure Island immediately. We then cut to a coach been driven by the Coachman (duh) filled his wild and crazy kids. Pinocchio instantly befriends an older kid named Lampwick. Pleasure Island turns out to be a place where kids can do bad stuff like beat the crap out of each other, smoke, drink, and worse of all, play billiards. Jiminy finds Pinocchio and gives him a stern talking to.  Lampwick calls Jiminy a “grasshopper”. After being called the g-word, Jiminy threatens to knock his block off. Pinocchio breaks off the would be scuffle by saying that Lampwick was his best friend. This upsets Jiminy so he sets off.

Jiminy is storming down the street in an angry huff, he finds what he thinks is the door out of Pleasure Island but he was mistaken. He hears some donkeys braying on the other side so he crawls under to see. Dozens of donkeys are stuffed in crates. Another batch of them comes in, all wearing clothes. The Coachman asks each one what his name is. If they answered with a “ee-haw” they got sent to the salt mines.  One donkey meekly says “Alexander”. He gets thrown into the cage with the other talking donkeys (I wonder if the donkey from Shrek is in there).  Jiminy knows that something is very wrong here and goes to get Pinocchio.

Back to Pinocchio and Lampwick, Pinocchio realizes that Lampwick is a jackass. It seriously took him this long to figure that one out. I was kind of thinking that from his first minute on screen. Whoops, I mean Lampwick transformed into a literal jackass. And Pinocchio grew ears and a tail. Jiminy meets Pinocchio in just the nick of time and they plan their escape. Unfortunately, the only way off the island is to swim to shore. They run home, but to their horror Geppetto and all of his pets are gone. As they sat on the front step sobbing, The Blue Fairy (in the form of a bird) gives them a message. It turns out that Geppetto was eaten by a whale named Monstro, but he is still alive. Pinocchio then sets out on a quest to save his father.

They both take a dive into the ocean (and for some reason Jiminy doesn’t need to breathe air anymore). We then see Monstro lying on the ocean floor. We zoom inside to see Geppetto, Figaro, and Cleo on a wrecked boat inside Monstro’s stomach (mouth?). They knew that if they didn’t get food in time they would starve to death. Just by coincidence Monstro eats a whole school of tuna that Pinocchio was trapped in. After reuniting with his father, the puppet gets an idea to build a fire to make Monstro sneeze them out. When the whale sneezes them out, he chases them across the ocean in an exciting climax. When our heroes make it to safety on shore it looks like Pinocchio is a goner.  At Geppetto’s house, all the characters are mourning Pinocchio’s death. We can hear The Blue Fairy’s voice say that since Pinocchio proved himself to be unselfish and brave he deserves to be a real boy. After coming back to life as a real boy, everyone celebrates. 

The Pros:

*Beautifully animated.

*"When You Wish Upon a Star" is an amazing song

*Interesting  and exciting story.

The Cons:

*This is just a personal problem, but I really hate underage drinking and smoking. I don't care if it is portrayed negatively, I still hate it. 

Overall I give it **** out of *****.